Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize