If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize