I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
