Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
