its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
