I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
