But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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