I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
