I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
