she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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