oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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