i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize