I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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