at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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