She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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