Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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