Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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