matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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