My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
