I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
