My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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