Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
