Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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