guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize