would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
