i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
