if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
