Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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