Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
