There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
