found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
