Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
