Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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