I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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