New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
