It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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