I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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