You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
