I like to think it a success when the cops are called
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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