she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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