I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she looked like the before picture.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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