barbara walters just said penis...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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