imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
