Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
