I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
