Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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