I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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