You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
