I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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