Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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