85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
