I can tuck mytits in my pants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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