dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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