I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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