and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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