Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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