um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
