she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
