so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
