Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize