Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
