you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
