he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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