I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i believe in u and ur pee
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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