if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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