Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My vagina just recognized that song.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
