I just pynch a tree in the face
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
