You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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