I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
