So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
