He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
